Ready or Not
by lm25pc
Summary: Sometime middle of season 4. Starts off around 4.06 and becomes my spin on things. And if you've ever read anything I've written you know it's merder.
1. Coffee

She walked outside and looked up at the dark starry night. During the day when she was busy and now was later, she figured she'd be fine with this, and she was, fine, with it. Fine anyway if she ignored the unease nibbling away at the corners of her heart. So she'd planned to stay busy and distracted. But whatever it was that was going on in her kitchen wasn't distraction, it was confusing and angsty, and she as trying to move on from that in her own life, not embroil herself in others.

So at this point the porch, the stars her freshly brewed ultra strong mug of coffee seemed like a nice option. She'd sit her and think. Not dwell. Just think. About stuff, but hopefully not that.

She crossed over to the porch swing and nudged it with her knee, smirking slightly when the action caused movement. She lowered herself to the seat, tucked one knee up under her chin, the other braced against the porch floor, being used as her lever to maintain the gentle swinging motion. She blew on the steam rising from her hot coffee succumbing to the relaxing sway of the swing.

Half a mug of coffee later, but before dwelling could commence she noticed a familiar black car pull into her driveway. Her face impassive she watched him climb out of the car and head to her front door. Nothing external betrayed the quickening in her chest that he always seemed to create.

"Hey" she breathed as he neared the swing.

He was momentarily taken aback, his focus had been on the door "Hi" he smiled "You look comfy".

"I am" she smiled back. She relaxed into his smile, "That was quick"

He looked at his watch and shrugged "I guess" he replied.

She motioned with the steaming mug in her hands "I just made a pot, you want one?"

"Yeah that would be great, thanks"

"Ok, wait here, I'll grab you one" she replied as she unfolded and rose from the seat.

"Oh" he said, his eyes flickering confused to the house.

"Izzie and George drama in the kitchen, I'm escaping" she offered as she opened the front door.

"Okay then" he smiled "I'm good here then", he moved to sit at the other end of the swing from the one she'd just vacated. He leaned back in the swing legs sprawled, both of the braced against the floor. His swinging motion stronger and less rhythmic than hers had been.

She returned with two mugs of coffee, handing him his before resuming her seat.

"Thanks"

"You're welcome"

They sat in silence for a few moments, sipping at their coffees and finding a sooth rhythm for the swing.

Finally she asked "So was it bad?"

"Bad? no, not bad" he replied

"Oh, it's just you're, well here, and, I mean it's not even gone nine. Not that there is a, you know, right length for that, just, well. It seems kind of early for not bad" the words just seemed to tumble out of her mouth.

He looked at her over her mug and gave a wry half shrug, half smile."It was ok, good food, nice company, kind of awkward, but ok".

"Ok, well ok's good, not bad, right?" she queried

"It's, well just Ok" he replied

"Oh" she breathed as they returned to their coffee's.

"It was your idea you know" he finally offered.

"I know, I know. I just figured, you know, I'm trying to get ready but not sure if I can. You're trying to wait, but not sure if you can. She was there all pretty and keen, and totally available, and I know you noticed, so I figured.. well at least one of us can know.."

"Hmmm.." he turned his head to the side and smile

"Don't McDreamy me, what does that mean?" her voice rose an octave with the building unease

"It means I'm waiting" he replied

"You're waiting?"

"Yeah, I'm waiting, not dating"

"Oh" she let out a puff of breath that could have been mistaken for a sigh of relief "Oh, no more dating, but it wasn't that bad?"

"No that date wasn't that bad" he said

"So just because one date was ok, not great, but not bad, you now know" she asked.

"Hmmm.."

"Derek" she growled, lightly hitting him in the arm, her face asking for an explanation

"Yeah well, after the date, she asked me in for coffee" he offered

"Oh" she said past the lump forming in her throat. "Coffee"

"Yeah, and I knew then, well I've probably always known. I don't want to get my coffee from anyone else but you" he said his eyes smiling at her

"Oh" she puffs again, as a smile breaks out on her face and she beams her reply of "Ok then"

"Yeah, Ok then" his smile matching hers.

"So you're waiting?" she repeats.

"I'm waiting, I'm not going anywhere, there is nowhere else I want to go" he clarifies.

He leans across the seat as tilts her body towards hers and their lips meet in a kiss. A soft kiss, a kiss full of many promises, and the taste of coffee. They eventually pull apart and resume their drinking and swinging. The only evidence of a change their entwined hands lying between them on the chair.

"Do you want to come upstairs" she eventually asks.

He stops his swinging motion and peers into the bottom of his nearly empty coffee mug as if it holds the right answer to this. Eventually he says "Can I take a raincheck?"

He sees her face start to close up and adds. "Look I'm not stopping the S&M, if that's what you still want, while I wait. But only at the hospital and stuff…. but I can't keep leaving your bed" he looks up and straight into her eyes as he adds the last part.

"Oh" she nods as she reads the pain in his eyes. She squeezes his hand and says "Come up, sleepover".

"Are you sure"

"If you are waiting, I'm getting ready, and were sleeping over"

He stands up, places his coffee mug on the seat reaches over and takes hers from her and places it beside his, he tugs both her hands and pulls he to stand, there bodies pressed tightly together. He lowers his head to kiss her again.

"Let's go to bed" he murmurs against her lips.


	2. Things

He drove the car down the suburban streets, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel as he navigated the car down a route he knew well. Things had been better since the date. Not great, but better, definitely. They had moved on from S&M to S,S & M (Sex, Sleepovers and Mockery). It was a vast improvement on being kicked out of bed at 3am. He revelled in the small intimacies it lead to, the snuggling in the morning, the brushing the teeth together. But it had been a few weeks now, and no further advancements had been made. Granted he hadn't pushed, the more he realised that for him there was no moving on, not while there was a chance she'd be there, he'd tried to take it slow and let her dictate the pace.

Tried, anyway. He was happy enough with baby steps, but he was realising now he would have to, not push exactly, but maybe, lean, for the next baby step.

He pulled into her driveway and turned off the engine, sighing he ran his hands through his already over worried hair. It was Saturday just before lunch. He'd finished work early the night before, and had a few drinks at Joes with Mark before heading home to the trailer. He knew her shift wasn't over until 10pm, and when she hadn't coincidently turned up at Joes, he knew tonight would be another night alone. Sure they had added sleepovers, but only if the sex that came beforehand could be organised that day at work. Meeting up outside her bedroom or the hospital still seemed to be off limits, he assumed because that would be a thing couples did. So was him going back and waiting for her alone at her house, for the same reasoning he supposed. She hadn't been back to his trailer, since, well for months. He cringed when he analysed when it was, his memorable "I can't breath for you" spiel. Ouch. No wonder.

So here he was. Sitting in his car in her driveway gathering up the courage to go and knock. Because this hadn't been organised or planned, they had barely seen each other in the last three days, a crazy board, a full ER and conflicting schedules had meant a quickie in an on call room and a few "hey there's" in the corridor were the only time he'd seen her. So here he was uninvited, and unsure what his reception would be. He was hoping that the casualness of a Saturday lunch, wouldn't spook her and he could get a start on the baby step of dating her.

He climbed out of the car, as he approached the porch the front door sprung open and a canvas duffel bag skidded along the ground accompanied with a "Ooomh" sound. He smiled at the sight of his.., well Meredith, tote bag slung over her shoulder, keys between her teeth, travel coffee mug in hand, kicking the bag through the door as she struggled to pull it shut behind her.

"Hey" he said, alerting her of his presence.

She jumped slightly "Hey" she mumbled out around her keys.

"Here, I've got it", he leant over and extracted her keys from her mouth, pulling the door behind her. "You want it locked?" he asked.

"Yeah thanks" she replied.

He locked the door and turned to smile at her, reached over and placed the keys in her tote. He couldn't resist tucking wiping some stray locks of hair that were mussed over her face back behind her ear, caressing her check in the process. He was pleasantly surprised when she leant into his hand and then pushed up onto tipy toes planting a soft breathy kiss on his lips. He moved forward as well, increasing the pressure of the kiss, their mouths opening and allowing each other access. She didn't pull back until her breath started to shorten.

He smiled at her as his hand fell from her face "Hi there" he smiled.

"Hi there"

"We have to stop meeting here" he smirked

She frowned quizzically at him.

"Your front porch" he answered.

"Oh" she giggled, then frowned slightly "Oh, why are you here?" she asked.

"It's just, we both have the day off, and well, I meant to ask, but I hardly saw you the last few days, and I'm not pushing, It's just lunch, a casual lunch, between friends, well no, between us, and well, you know baby steps"

"Derek Shepherd, did you just ramble at me' she asked wide eyed.

"Yeah, maybe your contagious"

"Ok, that's right blame me" she bantered "I can't sorry"

"Can't?"

"Can't do lunch. I assume that there was a lunch invitation embedded in that ramble?" she asked

"Oh, ok" his face fell

"I would have, lunch, gone, you know, just I have a thing planned, and well. Yeah sorry I have a thing"

"Thank goodness you took your rambling back" he smiled "So a thing, ok, fair enough"

"Sorry, but lunch would have been nice" she smiled at him, reaching out and squeezing his hand.

He looked down at their hands, disappointed that he wasn't going to be spending time with her, but happy that she wasn't freaking about the idea "That's ok, another time maybe?" she replied, stroking her fingers with his thumb.

"Another time would be nice" she offered

There hands entwined and he tugged slightly pulling her against him for another kiss. Once again she broke it off just as it started to heat.

"umm, I've got to get going"

"Ok, sorry, here I'll take that for you" he leant down to pick up the duffle bag. He was surprised by the weight and lumpiness of the bag.

"God Meredith this is heavy, what have you got in here" he asked

"Stuff" she answered biting her lip

"Stuff" he paused "this isn't the body thing is it, you weren't expecting Cristina were you?

"What?"

"You know, the person you'd call if you had to drag a body thing"

She giggled "no it's not the body thing"

"Good, not that I'd not help you drag a body, I'd just like to know" he winked at her.

"Good to know, if I ever have to do the body thing, I have options" she smirked back.

They headed towards her car and he opened the back and pushed the bag in. Shutting the door he turned to look at her.

"So just stuff for a thing you have to do?" he queried.

"Yeah, just a thing, and, stuff for the thing"

"Ok"

"Derek. It's not a big deal, it's just, a thing."

"It's ok" he said the words but his face expressed different.

She sighed, she wasn't trying to shut him out. "You can't laugh" she finally offered

"It's laughable?" he asked.

"No, yes, no, probably" she rolled her eyes.

"I wont laugh, but you don't have to tell me, if you don't want to" he fought between wanting to be let in and not pushing her

"I'm going skating" she blurted out.

"Skating?"

"Yeah"

"As in, on the ice, little white boots, silver blades, skating?" he asked

"Yep" she nodded "You're laughing" she warned.

"I'm not laughing, I'm smiling, the images of you skating in my head are cute"

"Hmmpf"

"Can I ask why"

She sighed. "I used to skate, like really skate, costumes, jumping, partners, competition, the whole bit" she paused as she looked at Derek. "Now you are laughing".

"Nope, just grinning, those images just got a whole lot cuter"

"And knowing you, probably a little porny"

"Well I am thinking it part explains the flexibility… So you used to skate…"

"Yeah and I loved it, not so much the competitions and the hoopla that goes around it, but the actually skating, I loved"

"So what did you stop?" he asked

Meredith looked at him and arched an eyebrow.

"Ellis, Ellis made you stop" he guessed.

"Yeah, at first she was all for it, it kept me out of the house heaps, she figured it was instilling good disciplines yadda yadda"

"So why did she stop it"

Meredith bit her lip an looked at the ground kicking at the pavement with her sneaker toe "ummm, she decided I should only focus on academic things" she said.

"Meredith, why did she really stop it?" he asked her lying had never improved.

"Ok, but again no laughing! She found out I was sleeping with my coach"

"Your coach…" he trailed off

"You know, Daddy issues and all" she shrugged

"You do know I am not old enough to be your father, right" he said indignantly

"Neither was he" she countered "She just always assumed that any guy I ever went out with that was older than me was a Daddy issue thing"

"It's not though, for all our issues, that isn't one, is it?" he asked.

"No" she shook her heid " I just tend to go for older guys cause they are better in.." Derek's hand clamped over her mouth.

"Too much information" he protested

"Well it's true" she shrugged "though you'll be glad to know you're the biggest age gap, and the best" she waggled her shoulders at him

"Meredith" he growled

"Sorry you're cute when I tease you" she aplogised

"Well you better get your tight little ass in that car if you plan to skate today, or I'll have you upstairs for an age gap demonstration", he steered her to the drivers door as he said this.

"Much in all as I'd love that demonstration, I've got to go, I've promised myself I'd skate every week, and so far I've kept that" she said.

"Ok" he replied, "So skating" as he opened her door for her.

"Yep. It's part of the me trying. You know, making me happy, and balanced. Balanced people have hobbies and activities that make them happy. You have your fishing. I want to be a happy person, and I don't want to be dependent on you for all my happiness. It's not healthy."

"I make you happy" he asked his face beaming/

She rolled her eyes at him "You make me happy" she confirmed "But if I am to be ready for what you want, then, I need it to be more than that"

"Ok"

"See trying, growing, readying" she stated

He leant in for another kiss

"Waiting, not pushing" she raised her eyebrows at this statement "only leaning a little bit" he finished with a grin.

"Ok then" she smiled as she snuck a final kiss in and climbed into the drivers seat.

"See you later" he waved as he turned to walk to his car.

"Derek" she called out.

"Yeah"

"I only skate for a couple of hours"

"Oh"

"Do you want to get dinner later" she asked

"I'd love that" he replied

"Me too"


	3. Paper Bag

Derek stirred the pot and turned the jet right down to a low simmer. He placed the lid on the pot and poured himself another glass of wine, settling back against the end of the narrow couch and he picked up his book. His eyes flicked over the same line again and again. Sighing he dropped the book to the ground, swirled the wine in his glass watching the claret liquid cling to the sides of the glass before sliding back to the bottom. He checked his watch again. 9:45. She was due to get off at 7 and she had happily agreed to join him at his trailer for dinner and a sleepover when he had run into her this morning. She'd been clear she couldn't give him an exact time, which he understood, and that's why he'd made an easy one pot meal that could simmer away for a while and not get ruined.

Still, he'd expected her earlier than this, or at least that she'd call if she was going to be this late. He'd tried her once and the call had gone to her voicemail, but not until after it had rung twice. He had a sneaking suspicion she'd cancelled his call.

He was trying not to dwell or worry. She'd called him on his moodiness a few weeks back, and he'd reluctantly conceded that sometimes, well ok, often, when he didn't get everything his own way, he could tend to sulk and lash out. At the time he'd been a bit indignant, but after a while he'd appreciated that for her, to point it out to him, was a growth in itself, and once he let his defences down a little he could see she had a point.

But, nearly 2 hours later than he'd expected her, he was beginning to stew and worry and he could feel his mood shifting. Things had been great since the dinner after her skating. They had slowly started to move forward. The S&M was still going strong, but the sleepovers and dates added to it gave Derek much hope for where they were going. Meredith still hadn't been back to his trailer, after a few days of schedule clashes he'd caught five minutes with her this morning to suggest tonight. He'd been pleasantly surprised that she'd agreed without any hesitation. Hopefully now all their barriers were out of the way and they really were moving forward.

Except she was late, and hadn't called, and was avoiding his calls.

But he was trying very hard not to get moody about that, not at least until he found out why.

Just as he rose to stir the dinner once more he heard the sound of a car pulling up on his gravel driveway. He heard the slam of a car door. He waited for her to enter the trailer, minutes passed and the door didn't open and there was no knock. Frowning he walked to the door and opened it to come face to face with Meredith standing on the porch staring at a brown paper bag in her hand.

"Hi" he said relieved to see her

"Derek" she jumped momentarily surprised, then she glared at him, brushing past him she pushed into the trailer.

"What.." he started but was cut off by Meredith as she spun around.

"This is, you, you boy, your fault, you and your stupid penis" she spat out glaring at him

"What.." he tried again following her further into the trailer

"This" she yelled, waving the brown paper bag in the air in her direction "This is your fault"

"Mer.."

"But I am doing the right thing, cause I am here, not at Cristina's" Meredith continued ignoring Derek's attempt to talk "you know cause, this would normally be a Cristina and Meredith thing, and I thought of going there, but you know, well, growing, and trying to be ready, so I am here, instead, cause I figure that here, rather than there, is where a ready person would be" Meredith finished her tirade and stood one hand on hip, the other still clutching the brown paper bag, staring at Derek defying him to disagree.

Derek swallowed nervously, now she seemed finally ready for him to talk, and he was completely lost. Normally he could translate Meredith freak, but this time lost. He started at her as he wracked his brain.

"Right, great, freaking perfect, now, now you've got nothing to say" Meredith rolled her eyes at him.

Ok, so rationality wasn't big at the moment, he thought. Derek took a huge step forward and before Meredith could react he grabbed her in his arms holding in a big hug. He was surprised to find that her body was shaking "shhhhh" he whispered in her ear "whatever this is, it's ok, and whatever it is, I'm glad you're here" he tried soothingly.

"Glad" Meredith pushed him away forcefully "glad, your glad, about this?" she snarled waving the bag around again.

He sighed and ran his hands through his hair, he had no idea what was the right thing to say in a situation where you had no idea what the situation was.

"Meredith, I want to help, but I need a clue here" he tried.

She all but snarled at him as she thrust the paper bag into his hands.

Derek tentatively opened the bag. His eyes grew wide as he read the description on the six identical white boxes nestled inside. "Oh" he breathed looking up at her stressed face, realisation hitting "Oh, you think you're pregnant?" he half asked half stated.

Meredith reached over and snatched the bag back, clutching it to her chest. She opened her mouth as if to speak, then just clamped it down and nodded. Tears welling in her eyes.

"What makes you think you are pregnant" he asked

"Car sickness"

"Car sickness?"

"I was talking today to a patient, who was saying what a misnomer the term "morning sickness" was and she was telling me how she basically felt like she was car sick the whole time.. and... well"

"You feel car sick?"

"I feel, yeah, well, not sick, just, you know, just off, and have for months"

"Why didn't you say something"

"Cause it's, just a general, not feeling great thing, not sick"

"Oh"

"So yeah, feeling slightly off... spotty"

He looked at her face queryingly

"No, not spots, you know spotty" she gestured below.

"Oh, right"

"And no real period"

"Ahh, ok, since when"

Here she cringed "Ummm probably just after I drowned"

His eyebrows shot up

"What?"

"Don't yell, don't you dare yell"

"I'm not yelling, but you notice this now"

"Well, yeah like I said, spotting and not completely gone, but now..."

"Now??"

"Yeah now, nothing since, well, the honeymoon"

"Oh, Ok" he said as he stood there in shock

"What do you mean ok, how is it ok" her voice shook

"Meredith don't get me wrong I'm not glad this is happening, we don't need this now, but I am glad you came to me"

"Yeah well, it seemed wrong to go to anyone else"

He resisted the urge to smile, this wasn't a smiley time, he focussed on the task at hand "Ok, so lets do this." He said gesturing at the bag she still clutched.

"Ok, but first, I have a speech"

"A speech"

"Yeah, cause that's where I've been preparing a speech"

"Oh I thought you were choosing"

"Choosing?" she asked

"To come here, or go, well there" he replied

"Oh, well that too, but there's a speech, that comes with the decision to come here"

"Ok" he nodded

"And you can't interrupt, even if I ramble, you can't, I mean I just have to say this"

"Ok"

"Ok, well the thing is this, I don't see options" she paused

"Options?" he asked

She glared his interruption "options, I just, I mean, for me, there aren't any. It's just, I'm sure everyone, you included thinks, well dark & twisty Meredith, she'd be all dark and twisty over her options. But well, no, I mean I am freaked. But there are no options" she stopped and stared at Derek

"Options?" he prompted

"Right, just you know. Well I don't want this. Not now, the timing sucks, but the thing is I probably do want this someday, I mean with you, someday. But not now. But that may be outside my control. No don't speak, this is the thing I need you to know, that no matter how bad the timing is, I don't see options for me, especially not with your baby"

"Oh, Ok, are you su.."

"Yes that is what all the driving around was for, I am sure, and I don't want you thinking that that is about you pressuring me or whatever. I just. I do want to be a Mom someday, and I want to be a better Mom than mine ever was, and I figure that terminating, my, our, baby, started me off as a crappier mom than she ever was. So, see, I just wanted to say no options"

Derek smiled at her, his eyes welling with tears, once again he closed the gap between them and pulled them into a tight hug "me either" he whispered in her ear "no options for me either"

She pulled back and stared into his eyes, he tucked some of her hair behind her ear "I mean, Meredith, I would support you no matter what, but yeah, no options is good for me"

"Ok" she smiled briefly before her frown returned. "That doesn't mean I am happy about this, stupid boy and your boy penis" she growled smacking his chest with the palm of her hand.

"Ok, I think we are in total agreement. Crap timing, hoping for a negative, but no options if it's positive, and we'll work it out?"

"Yeah something like that" she sighed, thrusting one of the boxes at him. "You do the test"

Despite himself, Derek laughed, he steered Meredith with his hand on the small of her back towards the tiny bathroom. "As much as I am here to help and support you through this, I think you need to pee on the stick".

She snatched the proffered box from his hands, hmmf'd and closed the door behind her.

Minutes passed and Derek paced up and down the small trailer. A myriad of emotions flashed through his brain, Meredith's anxiety had been contagious, and as much as he one day wanted children with her, he was completely on board with how bad this timing was. He was glad that she had been upfront around their options, to be pacing waiting for this result, and then having to go through the angst of waiting while she decided would have been unbearable. As difficult a situation this was at this point in time, he was happy they were on the same page. And if he was truthfully honest, somewhere deep inside he was ecstatic that in the midst of her freaking out she'd admitted she did want children with him one day. More minutes passed, he stopped pacing and sat on the couch, his elbows resting on his knees, his hands dangling towards the ground.

Finally Meredith opened the door, he looked at her questioningly.

"Three minutes" she said passing the stick to him "you time it, you read it"

"But you've been in there over ten already he replied"

She shrugged as she settled down in the seat beside him "stage fright" she nervously giggled "I couldn't pee on command"

He smiled at her as he checked the time on his watch, he laid the test on his knee and reached over and grabbed both her hands in his, steadying their shaking. "It's going to be ok" he said "we will work through this".

Meredith acknowledged his words with a small smile.

They sat in silence, Meredith leaned her upper body against Derek's side. The invisible clock ticking in their heads. After what seemed like an eternity he let go of her hands and checked his watch again. The time had passed.

Meredith sprang from the seat and began to pace. Derek turned the stick over, he let out a sigh "it's ok" he said towards her retreating back.

She span around on the spot "it's ok, it's ok? What the hell does that mean Derek, ambiguity not good here… " she started to freak and ramble.

Derek jumped up and grabbed her hands, stilling he movements and voice. "It's negative, Meredith, it's negative".

Meredith looked at him and then the test, the back at Derek's face "Oh" she gasped, and then her face crumbled, she stumbled the remaining gap into Derek's chest and started to sob.

Derek held her tight and rocked her in his embrace, his hand soothingly smoothing her hair as he whispered support and love in her ear. He had no idea if the tears were total relief or some disappointment, and he doubted that she could tell him, even if he were to push.

Derek woke to unfamiliar noises, it had been a long time since he had had overnight company at the trailer. He turned on to his back and stared up at the morning sky. He ran a hand over his face. After all the angst and emotion of the previous night they had eaten and then stumbled into bed. Once he realised that Meredith wasn't planning on running home, he had assumed that they would just crash, exhausted from a busy working week and the high tension of the evening. However he had been surprised that Meredith initiated a bout of tender and passionate love making, the only concession to their drama being her insistence that he wear a condom. So despite everything she had still been here and they had still been them. For the first time they had faced a drama and weathered it together.

And now she wasn't in the bed, and as he squinted at the clock he realised it was only 6am and neither of them had to work until 10. He pushed up on his elbows and half sat up in the bed. "Meredith?" he called.

The bathroom door sprang open, and she walked out frowning at the stick in her hand "Negative" she said as she walked back over to her side of the bed.

Derek flopped back onto the bed with a whooshing sigh "Yep, just like the four last night" he groaned.

"Mmmmm" she replied as she crawled back under the covers, her expression inscrutable.

He turned on his side to face her. "If you keep this up I am going to start to think that you're disappointed with the result you keep getting" he joked.

"Hmmm" she replied again, then her head shot up "what?" she exclaimed as his words sunk in "no, the result is good, I mean negative is good, right, I mean, it's just.."

Derek propped himself up further on his side as he realised that she was still conflicted by this. "Meredith, negative is good, and if you still feel bad about it in a few weeks, we can discuss…"

"Oh" she said her eyes popping, "No, it's not that. I mean negative is good. No baby, is good. At the moment, but future, well, yeah, but future isn't a few weeks" she frowned at him

"Ok, future is fine" he soothed, perplexed as to her mood

"It's just.." she started, trailing off as she turned the latest test in her fingers.

"Just.." he prompted giving up on second guessing her.

She stared at the stick some more, then back at Derek "…just, well the reasons I thought, I was, you know, pregnant… well still there" she finished.

"Oh" he nodded as he absorbed her point "Oh" he frowned "So…"

"No periods, tenderness here" she said pressing her fingers lightly against her lower abdomen "and just a general unwellness" she repeated her symptoms which had led to her pregnancy test buying spree the day before.

Derek's brow furrowed as he tossed her symptoms around his head. Now he understood the persistent testing. "It could be…" his voice trailed off. "I mean gyno's not my thing, really"

"Derek you were married to an Oby-Gyn for freaking sake"

"Yeah one who I ignored and avoided for the better part of the last three years of our marriage" he reminded her.

Meredith just looked at him, then back at the test. "Hmmmm"

Derek swallowed, his mind had started to fly off into scary territories. "Let's get you an appointment with Miller as soon as we can, run some tests, maybe it's just a bug"

"A bug that stops your period?" Meredith queried arching her eyebrows.

"Like I said, gyno's not my thing, let's see Miller today and go from there" he offered pulling her in to a hug.

**AN - Hmmm not 100 happy with this chapter. Plotwise this is what I wanted, but it seems to drag & jump around at the same time. But if I don't just plow through I'll give up and abandon, and I have a plot plan for this... so let me know what you think, constructive reviews always welcome!**


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